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About Batnorris

Batnorris is 35% Batman, 65% Chuck Norris, and 100% awesome. He keeps the city safe, the jokes unsafe, and the roundhouse legally unclassified.

Verified Facts

  1. Batnorris once stared at the Bat-Signal until it blinked first.
  2. Crime doesn’t pay in this city. Batnorris already collected.
  3. Batnorris doesn’t wear a mask. Villains wear blindfolds for their own safety.
  4. When Batnorris does a roundhouse kick, GPS recalculates out of respect.
  5. Batnorris counted to infinity. Twice. Then roundhouse-kicked infinity for being dramatic.
  6. Shadows don’t follow Batnorris. They ask permission.
  7. Batnorris doesn’t use the front door. Doors use Batnorris.
  8. The only thing Batnorris fears is running out of things that need kicking.
  9. Batnorris once kicked a bad habit so hard it became a TED Talk.
  10. Time waits for no one. Except Batnorris. Time brings coffee.
  11. Batnorris doesn’t “fight crime.” Crime fills out a resignation form.
  12. His cape doesn’t flutter in the wind. The wind flutters in his cape.
  13. Batnorris can leave a read receipt on a smoke signal.
  14. They say lightning never strikes twice. Batnorris made it apologize for striking once.
  15. Batnorris doesn’t need backup. Backup needs Batnorris.
  16. Sleep is just Batnorris letting the city think it has a chance.
  17. Batnorris’s utility belt has one tool: consequences.
  18. When Batnorris high-fives you, your ancestors feel it.
  19. Batnorris doesn’t chase bad guys. Bad guys chase better life choices.