THE ROUNDHOUSE TIMES · Crime & Punishment · by Ace “Inkstain” Morales

BANK ROBBERS SURRENDER AFTER READING BATNORRIS’S YELP REVIEW OF THEIR PLAN

Three suspects abandoned a downtown vault job Wednesday after discovering Batnorris had left a one-star review titled “Came for the money, stayed for the consequences.”

“We saw the review,” said one robber, speaking on condition of anonymity and mild trembling. “It just said ‘Don’t.’ The punctuation alone felt like a kick.”

Police arrived to find the crew already zip-tied with their own ski masks. A sticky note on the vault read: Told you so. — B.N.