THE ROUNDHOUSE TIMES · World / Space · by Luna Byline

INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION REQUESTS AUTOGRAPH AFTER ORBIT “FEELS SAFER”

Astronauts aboard the ISS reported a mysterious increase in morale after Batnorris allegedly roundhouse-kicked a satellite “that was looking at Earth funny” last month.

NASA neither confirmed nor denied the kick, but released a statement: “Please stop emailing us about belt buckles turning yellow. We are aware.”

Batnorris declined comment, which sources say sounded like a kick landing somewhere far away and righteous.